Do I have depression or not?
So, what is to blame for our constant dissatisfaction?
Why does an increasing number of people say they suffer from depression and anxiety disorder? Because they are suffering and, as us, experts, say, they do not want to feel like that, but they cannot control neither the symptoms nor the feelings caused by them. More or less, we all know what causes all that. Emotional void, economic setbacks, our parents’ attitude, non-acceptance by others or even ourselves, and innumerable other factors.
Ok, so what do we do now?
We simply have to understand that we are Humans and, as Humans, it is absolutely normal to cry when we are worn out, to feel sad when our boss reprimands us, to feel insecure when something unexpected happens to us, to feel anxiety when we are preparing for a presentation or a public speech, and to feel a rapid heartbeat, if something happens or we think about something that upsets us.
Not to sound excessive, 7 in 10 patients start by telling me they suffer from depression and anxiety disorder.
So, I begin chatting with them about all their concerns and what restricts their lives. At first, they are all very open and loquacious, but after some time, they become very reluctant to answer what I ask them, because most of them simply do not believe the answers they give. They themselves are shocked most of the times and want to change the subject to other issues, which are painless for them.
What I mean is that, as long as my questions relate to their past, they answer with great ease. But as soon as we focus on here and now, they begin having a hard time.
The reason is really simple. We have all come to know and been trained by everyone and everything to lay the blame for what bad happens on someone or something else.
Surely, on many occasions that can be more than true. What, however, is not realistic and viable is to insist on carrying the weight of various events of the past on our shoulders. Especially those of our young age, which may have marked us heavily (and, of course, I am
not referring to sexual abuse, wild beatings and various vicious incidents). There are many incidents, on the other hand, that we cannot interpret correctly and they rest heavily upon our souls.
An example will be useful here. A successful 45-year- old company executive, married, with two children, came to me in a devastating mood, because he suffered from headaches and could not find pleasure in almost anything.
To make a long story short, at the age of 16-17 years, a girl of the same age had told him: “You will never achieve anything in your life.” So, he got that and integrated it into his own psychology. The damage is not only that he feels unsuccessful and, of course, unhappy after all the wonderful things that he achieved so early in his life. The damage is also hidden elsewhere. He is not only unhappy about other people’s success, but he is jealous of it. And, surely, this has a negative impact on others, since he holds a high position in the company.
So, we examined everything in detail and came to a conclusion that, first of all, he was not suffering from any kind of depression, and secondly, the importance of the incident was overvalued at that age of 16-17, but not afterwards, especially, after his first successes and the degrees he had in his possession.
When he understood that, even though this might have affected him as a teenager, in his adult life it had absolutely no gravity, he changed his point of view on many subjects and, at last, stopped his tyranny on himself and on others. As for the headaches? All gone.
We must all at last understand that we cannot psychologise everything in our lives. And no, not all of us suffer from depression and anxiety disorder. We are just people with different experiences, sensitivities and interpretations.
A Major internal reassessment will be very useful and will make us feel closer to the happiness of our lives. If you cannot make it on your own, and you really need help from a professional, do not hesitate a bit to visit one.
Life is precious and you must enjoy it to the fullest. You have the Right to live, Simply as Humans, and full of healthy Feelings.
Live your LIFE.
Irini Miller - Psychologist, author of the book "A LETTER TO A WOMAN"